Slowpoke. D.I.Y. Recovery. With the government's hands seemingly tied, what can ordinary citizens do to get the economy moving again? Civilian Metal Detecting Corps: Squadrons of the unemployed will spend their days seeking buried treasure for us all. BEEP! Flash Mob Stimulus: Each week, some business gets lucky. Papa Porcini's. It's LOCAL PIZZA day! Mama mia! Newspapers are next. The Bailed-out Banker Price Adjuster: Step one - All merchants pitch in for a nationwide, biometric banker identification system. Double mocha with extra whipped cream, please. I.D. Affirmative. Chase Perkins. Goldman Sachs. 2009 Bonus: $6.2 Million. Step Two - Prices are then pegged to the banker's year-end bonus. That'll be $12,000. 6.2 mil doesn't go as far as it used to!